What is the most popular chew toy in our house, you ask? No, not a shoe. No, not a stupid bone that cost more than a steak. And no, certainly not some overpriced piece of rubber known as “Kong” that only yuppies buy their dogs.
BTW (my students taught me that acronym), did you know that the term “yuppie” stems from the acronym YUP, standing for “Young, Urban Professional”? Kind of charming, huh? Yuppie. Like “yippee!” Only snootier.
Anyway, our dogs are not impressed with shit like the “busy bee” that Beatrice the Weimaraner, owned by a yuppie couple in their 30s with braces (you know – in “Best in Show”!?), fancies.
Our dogs’ chew toy of choice? The wall. Yes, the fucking wall. What the hell is wrong with our dogs? Are they mentally deranged? There is nothing they love more than to sink their sharp teeth into the bright white paint and break through to the drywall.
I have no crafty conclusion to this. That’s it. My dogs, who I’ve been caught bragging to people about having a sixth sense, like to eat wall.